And yet, with all that talking, you probably still don’t know what’s considered normal and what’s not.You might get the impression that very painful periods are the norm.If you want to move on from the affair (I hope you do because these things are bloody painful), you’ve got to stop acting like you’re an ‘innocent’ victim – you were happy to be in on the heist when you thought you had something to gain.Now that the tables have turned on you and you not only haven’t ‘won’, but in fact seem to have left some of your sense of self on the table, how much is it going to help you to be a victim?Over-the-counter is also not a code word for dosage-doesn’t-really-matter.I’ve spoken to a number of women who admit to taking more than the recommended dosage in order to deal with cramps. Pelvic discomfort just before your period and during the first few days of your period can be normal.
The same qualities and characteristics that enabled you to have an affair with them, are the very ones that they’ll use to cut you out or at least lead you down some blind alley’s. This means taking the focus off them and positively putting it on you – this experience was a sign that you don’t love you enough and need to deal with whatever you’re avoiding. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
You operate under this misguided notion that they’re an honest person being dishonest to the other party due to the circumstances, not because they’re actually dishonest. They lie to themselves, they lie to others, and they most definitely lie to you.
If you’re anything like I was, you’ll think that you’re the one they’re being honest with. Of course some base their reasoning on a complex framework of lies and so will stubbornly cling to their lies, because to let go, would be to place the responsibility and accountability on themselves that they seek to dodge. You got played, even though they may deny it and claim that they really meant to cut you in, but something came up, or you ‘did’ something, or some other lame excuse. Don’t get me wrong – they’ll have done their wheeler-dealing, lying, omission, and even pressuring, but you knew that there were a lot of things wrong with this situation and you’ve also lied to yourself. My anger and indignation gradually gave way to grudging and then welcomed responsibility when I realised that I’d known what I was dealing with – I had just hoped to be exempt.
All you’ve got to do is hang tight and engage in the deception. It may be that when you first met, you hadn’t intended to be involved; maybe you were just having a good time.
But then they started talking up the future and the opportunities, and you suddenly started to believe in the possibility of being together.